Self-Compassion the hardest feeling to apply

Why are so many of us willing to give compassion to others but cannot for the life us give the same compassion to ourselves?

Gifting self-compassion is one of the most important things we can do, and yet we are so reluctant. We believe it is selfish, irresponsible, and/or not the “right thing to do.”

Think about giving compassion to yourself in this way: See your energy as a bank account. If you write a check against your bank account without enough money to cover that check, what happens?

It bounces.
If you write a check against your bank account and you have enough money, what happens?

It flows right through.

If you give to others when you have nothing to give, what happens?

You bounce off the walls.

When you have energy to give, what happens?

It flows right through!

It’s important to know when you are depleted and when you are not. When you are feeling depleted it is the time to apply self-compassion. You do this by saying loving words to yourself. Not an easy thing to do, -and you normally won’t do it unless something yucky happens-but once you get a handle on how, you won’t want to stop!

I know how hard this is to do!

A long while back, I was studying energy healings with a well-known teacher.

I had many criticisms of the way he treated other students and me. I commiserated with those other students who agreed that he was being “unjust, and unfair.”

Toward the end of the workshop weekend, I felt fortified and strengthened by the validation of my friends. In his closing talk this teacher said, “Be careful of how you judge me. Because in doing so, you are judging yourselves.”

There went my good mood. Throughout the entire six-hour drive home, from New Jersey to Boston, I found myself judging this teacher harshly. “That was quite the manipulative statement,” I screamed. “When will he take responsibility for his own hurtful actions?” On the other hand, I was deeply confused. “What did he mean that I would be judging myself when I judged him?

Then a few days later, in the shower, the insight came suddenly. I heard my inner voice say, “The way you judge your teacher is exactly the way you sound when you put yourself down. Every harsh thing you are saying about him, how unfair and unjust he is, are the exact things you say about yourself, and worse.”

The pain was unbearable; I was actually feeling the harshness of how I had treated me- the more I judged myself, the harsher the criticism and judgment I put on others, including my teacher. And in this state of mind, the only remedy available to me was to find others who thought like me- that way, I was the “good guy” and he the “bad one.”

Seeing this all so clearly felt like a knife stabbing into my gut.

i begged My Self, God, the Angels, the Buddha, The Highest of Highest Powers to help me. It was then I heard a voice way deep inside of me say:

“Love Your Self. Love Your Self. Right here. Right now. Just as you are. Unconditional love means to love no matter what. You did not know you were hurting your self so deeply. Bring compassion to this place of realization.” The voice continued, saying, “Molly, I do love you. Even when you are beating yourself up, I love you. I do not believe what you say to yourself, but I love you. You have never deserved the self-beatings you have given yourself.”

These compassionate words worked themselves into the most vulnerable areas of my heart.

I learned in that moment, that all of our judgments are here to help us see who we truly are, and who we truly are is unconditional love.

The more aware we are of how we judge others and ourselves the more we will be able to catch those judgments and use them as the teachers they are- for they are here to teach us   self- compassion.

Once you begin to practice self-compassion your love will radiate outward. You don’t have to “do” anything. Others around you will feel it. And that kind of giving is never depleting.

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