Self-Compassion the hardest feeling to apply

Why are so many of us willing to give compassion to others but cannot for the life us give the same compassion to ourselves?

Gifting self-compassion is one of the most important things we can do, and yet we are so reluctant. We believe it is selfish, irresponsible, and/or not the “right thing to do.”

Think about giving compassion to yourself in this way: See your energy as a bank account. If you write a check against your bank account without enough money to cover that check, what happens?

It bounces.
If you write a check against your bank account and you have enough money, what happens?

It flows right through.

If you give to others when you have nothing to give, what happens?

You bounce off the walls.

When you have energy to give, what happens?

It flows right through!

It’s important to know when you are depleted and when you are not. When you are feeling depleted it is the time to apply self-compassion. You do this by saying loving words to yourself. Not an easy thing to do, -and you normally won’t do it unless something yucky happens-but once you get a handle on how, you won’t want to stop!

I know how hard this is to do!

A long while back, I was studying energy healings with a well-known teacher.

I had many criticisms of the way he treated other students and me. I commiserated with those other students who agreed that he was being “unjust, and unfair.”

Toward the end of the workshop weekend, I felt fortified and strengthened by the validation of my friends. In his closing talk this teacher said, “Be careful of how you judge me. Because in doing so, you are judging yourselves.”

There went my good mood. Throughout the entire six-hour drive home, from New Jersey to Boston, I found myself judging this teacher harshly. “That was quite the manipulative statement,” I screamed. “When will he take responsibility for his own hurtful actions?” On the other hand, I was deeply confused. “What did he mean that I would be judging myself when I judged him?

Then a few days later, in the shower, the insight came suddenly. I heard my inner voice say, “The way you judge your teacher is exactly the way you sound when you put yourself down. Every harsh thing you are saying about him, how unfair and unjust he is, are the exact things you say about yourself, and worse.”

The pain was unbearable; I was actually feeling the harshness of how I had treated me- the more I judged myself, the harsher the criticism and judgment I put on others, including my teacher. And in this state of mind, the only remedy available to me was to find others who thought like me- that way, I was the “good guy” and he the “bad one.”

Seeing this all so clearly felt like a knife stabbing into my gut.

i begged My Self, God, the Angels, the Buddha, The Highest of Highest Powers to help me. It was then I heard a voice way deep inside of me say:

“Love Your Self. Love Your Self. Right here. Right now. Just as you are. Unconditional love means to love no matter what. You did not know you were hurting your self so deeply. Bring compassion to this place of realization.” The voice continued, saying, “Molly, I do love you. Even when you are beating yourself up, I love you. I do not believe what you say to yourself, but I love you. You have never deserved the self-beatings you have given yourself.”

These compassionate words worked themselves into the most vulnerable areas of my heart.

I learned in that moment, that all of our judgments are here to help us see who we truly are, and who we truly are is unconditional love.

The more aware we are of how we judge others and ourselves the more we will be able to catch those judgments and use them as the teachers they are- for they are here to teach us   self- compassion.

Once you begin to practice self-compassion your love will radiate outward. You don’t have to “do” anything. Others around you will feel it. And that kind of giving is never depleting.

To find out more visit


On Suffering and Depression

Depression is a horrible, suffocating feeling that attacks every aspect of the body.

Your heart can feel like led, while harsh, dark and negative thoughts pound relentlessly and uncontrollably through your mind.

Trying to apply thoughts such as, “I must think positive” only intensifies the suffering.

The most immediate and ineffective way to find relief is through addictions; and if you stop your addiction, then the repressed depression comes back, compounded by withdrawals.

There is lots of outside help such as psychotherapy, medication and plenty of healing modalities. Please seek these out.

Here is an exercise you can try on your own: Do something you know works, even if you feel that you can’t.

– Take a walk
– Be out in nature
– Hug someone
– Hug your pet
– Call a friend
– Read an inspirational message
– Take a shower
– Eat something healthy: anything will do, a raisin, a carrot, a radish…
– Paint
– Write
– Draw

And if you are feeling too frozen to do anything, then begin incrementally.

Say, you would like to call a friend. You don’t want to burden them with how awful you feel, nor do you want to keep this to yourself anymore.

Here is what you do:

Ask yourself, “Can I pick up my phone?”
As you pick up your phone, take a deep breath.
Say, “Good. I have my phone in my hands. Can I now find my friend’s phone number?”
Say, “Good, here is the number. Which feels best, to text or call?”
You might freeze in this moment. Choose the first that comes to mind.
“Good.. Can you text the message?”
If the answer is no, take a deep breath and say, “I can but it’s hard right now.”
“What’s hard?”
“My hand feels too heavy too type.”
“Can you record?”
“Can you push record?”
“What will I say?”
“Can you push record?”
“Push record.”
“Good. Now say, “Hi, it’s me. I’m having a hard day. How are you? Is there anything I can do for you?”

After you do this, you may still suffer. That’s okay. It is possible to feel awful and a tiny bit good that you had done something to help you and someone else.

Make sure you are seeking outside help and let me know how you are doing!

With much love and compassion,

A New Type of Garden

Devastation. Hopelessness. Anger. Stuckness.
Suddenly I was being trampled on, stampeded by, completely taken over with these feelings and all of the thoughts that go with them.

In Machelle’ Wright’s book, Behaving As If The God In All Life Matters, she writes about the importance of partnership with nature. And she defines nature as anything that has form, from computers to forests and everything in between.

One of the things I do, when I am hit like this, is exercise. So I went for a run. And in true Buddhist form, I allowed the feelings to be inside of me. I saw how much I wanted them all to disappear, but my inner wisdom guided me to receive them. And to receive them. And to receive them some more.

It was a gorgeous cool July morning, the clouds heavy with potential rain. The birds sang, chiming in with the bullfrogs, and the solid silence of the Rail Trail.

As I continued to receive these feelings, I heard, “put them in a garden.” Since nature is defined as anything that has form, I suddenly saw a huge wild garden, filled with feelings, instead of plants. In the center, they were entwined with each other. Hope with hopelessness, Devastation with Creation, Anger with Calm, and Stuckness with Flow. And stemming out from the center, there were large areas where they separated.

“Give to the part of this garden, the separated negative feelings, let them grow wild and unhindered. To the rest of the garden, nurture the feelings you want.”

I allowed for the wildness of the negative, (they looked like the dark sky I was running under) they were actually beautiful, kind of like letting the wild plant Bittersweet to grow, a destructive plant that entwines its leaves around other plants and chokes them to death-but left alone, it becomes a gorgeous entangled bush.

And then I allowed for the positive-the Creation, Hope, Calm, and Flow and as I paid attention to these, I could also bring in the wild negative, because it now had it’s place in this incredible garden.

Embracing both, I was led to the center, where the feelings were entwined with each other. And there, I was pulled down deep into the earth, where the roots formed. Here it was deeply peaceful, without thought or feeling. A quiet place that did not yet have the physical sensation of either feeling.

Here, I felt I had real choice. I stood at the root, and chose to experience the more positive feelings, while promising to acknowledge the wild dark.

And when I came up, I realized, once again, that our negative feelings are precious. If we can allow them to be as they are, they lead us to some very special places.

Our Negative Feelings Are The Gold That Line Your Path

Our negative feelings: Embrace them! Love them! Here’s how:

  1. Say to the feeling, fear or sadness, “You are here because of my success/new love. You are here because you want to experience love too.”
  2. Say to this same feeling, “I love you. I love myself for being human and having this feeling. Without this feeling I would not know courage/joy.
  3. Notice all of the automatic negative thoughts that go with the fear/sadness. Say, “I love these automatic thoughts that are directly connected to this feeling. They can’t help it.”
  4. Say, “This fear/sadness is a Being that lives inside of me that is in need of love. I love you so much fear/sadness. I love you.”
  5. Practice this often. Say these things to yourself even if you don’t believe it. And repeat them for a long time.

I can’t wait to hear from you! Please contact me with your thoughts, experiences and questions!

Five Ways To Change Your Negative Self Talk

So many of us are interested in attracting better and more wonderful people, events and prosperity into our lives! And so much of our inability to do this rests in the way we think about ourselves. Read below to see how you can change your negative self talk!

Five Ways to Change Your Negative Self –Talk

  1. Each time you hear yourself say, “I’m so stupid,” or “I’m so jealous,” question the truth of that statement. Is it true that you are stupid? Or did you just spill coffee on yourself in front of your boss? A truer statement is, “it’s not that I am stupid, it’s that I feel embarrassed because I just spilled coffee on myself.
  2. Wake up each morning and say 3 nice things about yourself to yourself. Make sure you believe them and say them throughout the day.
  3. Each day for a week keep a gratitude journal. Write down 3 things you are grateful for and each day add 3 different things. If after a week, you wish to continue do so!
  4. Find a few friends and create a daily “grateful” group email. Each of you needs to write one thing you are grateful for daily.
  5. Take a self-critical remark such as, “I’m so bad at sports” and say “I really appreciate/love myself because I am bad at sports.”

The Two Secrets to Healing Emotional Pain

Every living thing is made of unconditional Love. Every blade of grass, every flower petal, every drop of rain, every snowflake, every breath we take, every person, including you and I – is created from Love.

How can this be true of everything? How can war be created from love? How can someone who murders their spouse or child be made from love? What does this have to do with healing emotional pain?

Everything is made of love. What is also true is that we humans forget this over and over. Ironically, war reminds us of what we are made of. Where there are acts of atrocities, there is an equal and even greater reaction of good. Ordinary people do extraordinary things during extreme times, and love prevails, often.

For example, during the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing, a pediatric doctor, Natalie Stavas, jumped into the chaos to save lives.

When the towers fell on 911, Benjamin Keefe Clark, a chef, dived into the smoke and fire and saved hundreds of people, losing his own life in the process.

On April 29, 2015 the Boston Symphony Orchestra held a free concert to bring solice to the deep unrest due to the horrible death of Freddie Gray.

For the stories listed here, there are thousands more regarding these atrocities and others that have occurred all over the world.

It is also true, that we truly remember what we are made of, and had reminders daily, we wouldn’t kill each other. Our way of being would be matter-of-fact, clear and kind. We would have examples around us as o how to behave in every situation. We would be in touch with Spirit, the Angels and our Guides. And we wouldn’t grow up wounded.

Anger and violence is usually an unconscious act. It stems from a deep place within that is seeking love. And yet we are the only ones that can give ourselves love. No one else can. And this is the first secret to healing emotional pain.

Think of a time that you have yelled at someone you love. You are the only one that can do this. The opposite is also true. You cannot heal someone else’s wounds. You can only work on your own. As you receive your life fully, so you will be able to receive others. And the only way to

fully receive your life is to embrace it with unconditional love, the very substance you are made of!

Here is how:

  1. Say to yourself, “This anger is coming up in me because it is asking for my love and attention.”
  2. Notice where it is in your body. Is it a heated sensation in your chest? Are there butterflies in your stomach? Does your head feel like it’s going to explode?
  3. State the following, “Anger inside my head I know you are here for love. Talk to me, tell me why you are here.”
  4. Begin to breathe into it and listen to its voice.
  5. As it tells you why it’s mad, validate its reasons. Say, “Of course. I understand. Anyone would be angry in this situation.”
  6. Continue to breathe into it and tell it, “You are welcome to be in my body, anger. I will hold you the way I hold happiness and peace. I bring warmth to you. I bring love to you.”
  7. Keep breathing into it. Allow it to take the size and shape it needs to become. Keep staying with it. Do not try to make it go away.
  8. Send it love. Send yourself love for having this feeling.

To learn more, schedule an appointment with Molly.

Many blessings and all my love as you continue on in your journey,